Lost in Shinjuku

Simumasen, Keio Plaza Hotel wa doko desu ka?

This is a sentence that can save your life. Figuratively speaking, of course. Then again, it’s not as if I was gonna actually say it. Not until we were really (that’s an English word, italicized for emphasis) lost. You see, even a million miles from home (figurative speaking, of course), men cannot ask for directions. And I wasn’t going to do it despite the torrential rain, the blinded eyes (precipitation + glasses = suck), and general sense of ‘where are we?’ among the group. Anna finally asked at a point when we were caddy-corner from the hotel. That’s always how it is, no?

Let’s rewind for a moment: Eight Americans enter the HUB English Pub in Shinjuku. They attempt to cram into a half booth/half seat section, and they almost succeed. They are asked to move to a different area with more room because, and I’m paraphrasing, “your seating would make it inconvenient for the girl next to you to get up.” Ironically, I love this sentiment. After the Americans move, they order four liters of beer. The beer is either Kirin Lager or the house brew. The Americans do not know. The beer will cost ¥5,400, about $54, and the Americans will try to figure out if this is a good deal or not. The Americans do not succeed. There’s too much metric/standard, yen/dollar conversion involved. Instead, they are wowed by the presentation; the liters arrive in plastic, graduated cylinders. The Americans can see exactly how many mL they are pouring, if they were into that sort of thing. Drinks are poured (never for yourself, as is the custom), and people bond.

Now back to first person: I’m sitting off to the side with Anna and Jason, a guy who spent the last few years in Bolivia in the Peace Corps teaching business practices. He went to teach English, but that somehow turned into business practices. The flat panel TVs first show a Japan vs. Kuwait basketball game. Japan is winning by a lot. Later, the programming will switch to soccer juggling tricks. A man climbs a power line in order to juggle a ball. I love this sentiment.

A red, fruity drink arrives for Caitlin at the next table. We all applaud, thinking it’s from a Japanese man with a crush. Caitlin is a pretty blonde, and we think that this is the type of thing that happens in Tokyo. We are all let down when we later realize it is from another JET. Damn Americans. Wait, I think he was British.

The toilet has two different directions you can flush. There’s “Large” and “Small.” This makes me laugh… while I pee.

We leave the bar around midnight, and we try to find another place to go. We have a tiny map, yet we can’t quite find where we are. There is no star that says ‘you are here.’ We ask a few different people for help, and the reactions are great. Mostly, there’s a lot of pointing at the map and laughing. Then there's pointing in a direction and more laughing. Many people stop to help, but to no avail. There is a white man who offers help in perfect English, and for some reason, we brush him off. This makes me laugh… while I stand in the pouring rain.