I can see clearly now. Sort of.

With two months left before I return to the States, it might be a good time to reflect on what I've learned in the realm of teaching. There are no hard/fast rules for success, but maybe that's a rule right there. Some of the best students can have days where they'll put their heads down and sleep to avoid answering "Do you want money?" while I hold open a briefcase full of unmarked, sequential yens in front of their faces. On other days, students who normally give me the death stare if I even glance in their direction will say something along the lines of, "Good day, Mr. Lo. Is that a Brooks Brothers button-down that you're sporting today? Aren't you quite the fanciful character?!" The point is that some things work, many things don't, and the best you can do is get better at making uneducated guesses. I think that made sense. Here's a list of things that have a high probability of inciting interest and/or laughter.

-Mimic student actions
If a kid in the back of the room is, for some reason, pumping his arms like a looney, ambidextrous train conductor, do the same thing. He will laugh and then suddenly become very self-conscious.

-Change the volume of your voice
If you normally talk like this, try talking like this! This worked wonders during a game of review Jeopardy whenever I would announce the discovery of a "Typhoon!" (the equivalent of a Daily Double). Throw in a Tiger Woods fist pump for added laughs.

-Certain English words are better than others
If you say "date," everyone will look around trying to figure out what you just said. "Did he say date? He went on a date!? He's asking me out? We must know!" There's a collective sigh if you are merely asking for today's date.

-Name names
Lucky for me, there is a general assumption that ALTs will not be able to learn names. I teach roughly 500 students between two schools, and they all changed when the new year started in April. Still, a handful somehow slip into this mass inside my skull. The other day, I called on Ms. Saito, and her neck nearly spun around owl/Exorcist style. "Who is Ms. Saito? Is that me? I'm raising my hand, but did he call on me? Is he asking me out on a date? I must know!"

Continuing with the theme of reflecting, having the end in sight has turned me into a sponge of introspection. Everything reminds me of something (like the current smell of summer taking me back to my first days in Japan) and nothing means nothing (I mailed an international letter AND got my tire pressure checked in the same day! I am Superman!). Here are some things that I won't forget:

In my first 3rd year elective class of the new year, a student started rattling off to my co-teacher after seeing me. She turned and translated: "He said he often sees you standing outside a convenience store in Kofu around midnight." She paused. "Bad boy." He then pointed at me and said "Bad boy."

We had an international day a few weeks back where about 18 JETs visited a small school with only 36 students to get them more interested in English. I told one of my classes about the day, and one student mentioned how scared he'd be with the ratio of foreigners to Japanese being 2:1. My co-teacher countered by asking if he thought foreigners were attractive. There was a minute of murmuring/sidebar-ing/Algonquin table-ing with other students before he answered. Some of the class thought so, but he was certain he'd still be scared.

I've mentioned having "rappers" in my class before, and I was sad to not be teaching a particular one after the school year ended. He saw me the other day in the hallway, and before even saying hello, he started moving his arms around and rapping "Business" by Eminem and then pointing at himself as if to say, "Remember me? I'm the guy who raps in class! You like when I rap." I said, "Oh! Eminem is at Norin HS?" He laughed it up. Then he went to class.