Getting cut up

A man walks into a bar(ber shop). He inserts a 1,000 yen bill into a machine by the cash register. A card slides out of the machine. He grabs the shiny card and takes a seat. He does not literally "take" the seat, but he is using American slang. Bear with him. The man now notices a sign under the machine that took his 1,000 yen bill.

"Sorry, We can only serve people who speak Japanese. Once the haircut begins, we cannot change the hairstyle."

The man panics. He is very keen on changing hairstyles once they begin. He also does not speak Japanese.

He reaches into his bag for an English-Japanese dictionary. He cradles his body over it, hoping no one will notice his illegal operation. He memorizes key words: onaji (same), ue (top), katto (cut), buza de yobu (with buzzer), inchi (inch). He closes the dictionary and then opens it again, believing he has forgotten what he has tried to remember.

"They are totally on to me," he thinks to himself. He realizes he says or thinks the word "totally" a lot, and he becomes self-conscious.

One of the barbers is now available, but it seems the man has made an error. He never signed in. He understands namae, so he nervously scribbles his name down in kanji. Lo Strange Glory, indeed.

The woman hands the man a 10 yen coin, for the haircut is only 990.

The man sits down and says the words from the pocket dictionary. What is the penalty for not speaking Japanese? Just take him away now, for he will fail.

Inches? The man has been ruined by the standard system of measurement. A curse upon your stubborn house, Americatown!

Fortunately, he knows the word for "more." The barber cuts and then cuts some more.

Thirty minutes later, the man meets a friend.

"It looks the same," she says. Onaji.